DRAAAAAAINAGE!!!

Fiction Fix Part 1

Sesuatu yang aku tak pernah berangan berlaku. Tidak disangka yang keperluan untuk mendapatkan software baru untuk komputerku menemukan aku dengan budak hingusan itu.

Dia tak mungkin lebih tua dari 25 tahun. Kemungkinan besar seorang lepasan ijazah muda ataupun seorang graduan bekerja sambilan. Mungkin juga seorang lepasan SPM yang berwajah matang. 

Tinggi. Sungguh tinggi. Lebih tinggi dariku. Aku sendiri berketinggian 170 cm ataupun 5’ 7” dan dia mungkin satu kaki lebih tinggi. Lean, thanks to his youth. The next thing I noticed, such clear skin. Aku mencemburui dia dan mula rasa tua. The fine lines under my eyes suddenly felts like ravines and the spots on my cheeks like moon surface. Oh goodness! I am an old woman indeed at 29!

Dia terus bertanya dengan ramah, “Cari apa, cik?.” Walaupun tidak tersenyum, wajahnya ikhlas ingin membantu. 

A few nanoseconds went by of me appreciating his height and good skin. Jadi apa yang ditanyanya tidak dijawab cepat. Dengan senyum kambing, aku menunding ke arah barisan software di atas rak di depanku. 

“Nak cari OS ke?” tanyanya lagi. 

Jargons, he knows what he is doing. He refers to the operating system, simply known as OS, the software that makes your computer run. However, I guess he shouldn’t be using it with a customer, even when I do understand what he meant. 

“Ada Windows™ XP©, pilihan terbaik buat masa sekarang,” dia pantas mengesyorkan.

“Windows™ Vista© ada?” aku bertanya, pasti dia tersilap, kerana itu adalah versi terkini di pasaran.

“Ada, tapi berat sangat. Kalau ada RAM 4 gigs baru sedap pakai.” jawabnya selamba. 

Aku angguk, punah harapan nak berwindow Vista©. Indeed, it is too heavy for my miniscule 2 gigs RAM. 

“Boleh rekemen yang mana paling bagus?” aku serahkan kepada dia. Sudah lama tak berkomputer, sakit kepala nak memilih dengan terlalu banyak pilihan di depan mata. 

Dia menarik turun satu kotak dari rak itu, “Windows XP latest release. Ini yang paling baik. Lagipun ada bundle softwares sekali.” 

Dia menyerahkannya kepada ku. I guess he has decided for the both of us what I need to get for my new PC. 

“Di mana image editting software?” I asked for the next item I need. 

“Ada, sini,” he beckoned me to the other side of the aisle. I saw all the softwares I always been waiting to use since my last computer broke down three years ago. Memories of good old times when I actually have time to do image editting and building websites. 

Di situ dia mencapai kotak Adobe™ Photoshop©. Memang software yang aku cari.

“Belajar lagi ke?” tiba-tiba dia bertanya. 

Terkejut beruk sekejap. Can I pass as a student still? Hati menyanyi riang. The fine lines vanished from under my eyes and the spots gone. 

“Oh, tak. Dah lama habis belajar. Dan dah lama tak pakai software ni, tapi sekarang nak mula balik since dah dapat PC baru,” I blabbed. Oh Tuhan, dia sekadar initiate small talk but I have to unravel about my life with a new PC. 

“Oh, ingat study lagi.” he smiled. He has a masculine face. 

No, he is not an SPM student I decided. 

Adobe™ Dreamweaver©? Tiba tiba mata aku ternampak package di belakang kepalanya. Bukan Macromediakah pengeluarnya? “I thought its Macromedia™ Dreamweaver©, kenapa Adobe™ Dreamweaver©?

He looked puzzled. He turned and took down the package. “Well, this is the latest version. CS4©, sama juga dengan Adobe™ Photoshop© tu, latest version jugak.” He handed the box to me. 

I decided not to broach the subject anymore. What do you expect. I am so out of this computer business for five years now. “Saya nak beli Windows™ XP© ni dengan Adobe™ Photoshop© saja ye.” 

With that I reached up beside him, trying to put the unwanted software box back at its place. Suddenly me, the tallest girl I have been since forever felt so, so short. 

“Boleh ke? Biar saya...” he quickly took it and reached up over me. Soon enough the box sat back where it belonged a minute ago. I shrank beneath him like a scared mouse. Awkward moment passes for a few seconds.

“Sorry,” he took a step back and so did I.

“Tak, salah saya,” aku mengaku dengan segan. Kalau aku tak sibuk nak letak kotak tu balik ke atas rak dia tak perlu nak membantu sebegitu sekali. Muka ku panas dek malu. “Ini jelah dulu. Tak mampu nak beli Dreamweaver© sekali. Lain kalilah.” 

Dia angguk dan senyum, gesturing me to follow, “Kaunter di depan.”

Aku ikut di belakangnya dan mencuri pandang susuk badannya. Nyata dia memang dibina dengan sempurna.

“Apa yang aku buat ni?” Aku menepuk dahi sendiri memikirkan kegilaanku.

“Ye, ada masalah ke?” dia menoleh dan menyapa. 

Did I say that out loud? “Tak, tak!” Bagus, sekarang aku mungkin sudah dicap sebagai makcik gila. 

Kebetulan di pagi Khamis itu tidak ada pelanggan lain. Di kaunter bayaran, dia terus mengira barang belianku dan memasukkannya ke dalam beg plastik. 

“Bila nak beli Dreamweaver© tu nanti, datanglah ke sini. By the way, Macromedia™ dah kena acquired by Adobe™, so tu pasal sekarang it’s Adobe™ Dreamweaver©.” 

Aku tak sedar mulutku dah ternganga. Aku ingat dia tak tau apa yang aku ngomelkan tadi.

“Belajar lagi ke?” aku pulak bertanya kepada dia sebaik aku sedar mulut aku rasa sedikit kering

“Not supposed to tapi scholarship tak cukup,” jawabnya ringkas. 

Aku gelak kecil. Telahan aku tepat. 

“Oh ye, kedai ni bagi newsletter on what’s new and any update for softwares, hardwares and other gadget. Bila ada sale nanti pun kami akan notify through the newletter. 

Memikirkan azam ku untuk mengikuti kembali perkembangan teknologi komputer kini, aku setuju. 

Dia menyuakanku satu borang untuk diisi. Perlu letak nama dan alamat email dengan nombor telefon, selain nombor kad pengenalan dan alamat. 

Seperti merasakan aku tak selesa mengisi borang dan meninggalkan maklumatku disitu dia cepat menambah. “It’s perfectly confidential and we won’t sell your details. Ada clause at the bottom of the form.” 

Setelah selesai, kuhulurkan borang itu kepadanya. 

“Cik Aida Sofya Jusoh. Sedap nama tu,” pujinya.

Aku terpana sekejap. Pandai sangat berniaga, small talk engaging customer. Patut dia ada perniagaan sendiri. “Itu sempena nama arwah makcik dan masjid di Turki.”

“Oh, Hagia Sophia?” tanyanya.

Aku terkedu lagi. “Ye, pandailah awak ni. Mesti rajin tengok National Geographic kan? Tak pun rajin baca encyclopedia.” 

Tiba tiba dia terdiam dan aku perasan mukanya sedikit merah. Dia cepat cepat menyelesaikan pembelianku and menghulurkan beg plastik sudan berisi kepada ku, “Nanti notification akan dihantar di email Cik Aida ye.” 

Meremang bulu roma ditengkuk mendengar namaku disebut walhal aku tak tahu apa namanya, “Awak dah tahu nama saya, nama awak?”

Like a child caught with his hands in the cookie jar, dia mengeluarkan tag namanya dari poket “Lupa nak pakai.” Dia menyuakan tag itu kepadaku sebelum menyematnya di baju. “Aiman, Aiman Firdaus.” 

Comelnya, aku bisik di hati. 

“Datanglah lagi nanti,” dia tersenyum kembali

Aku sekadar angguk dan senyum sambil meninggalkan kedai komputer itu. Anak dara tua macam aku ini tiba-tiba sangat tertarik kepada budak hingusan yang bernama Aiman Firdaus itu. 

Note : Draft number 2. 

Mud

... is the latest scheme colour for the blog. 

9

Happy 09/09/09!

This marks the last set of repeating single digit dates until 1st January 2101. 

Next year, we can begin celebrating the double digits up until 2012 with 10/10/10, 11/11/11 & 12/12/12.

Wonder where you will be on those dates?

The honour of sticking to a decision

I just have too many thoughts in my head. I don't know how to segregate it. It’s like one lump of thing that I am not sure what head or tail of it. 

Not helping that my emotion is getting too extreme. Too happy, too sad, too angry, too agitated that now I fancy that yeah, I am developing the bi-polar syndrome. One time I was labeling certain someone that she is bi-polar, because she is very happy at one moment and suddenly so angry. She was somebody that I used to work with, a difficult individual to manage. She spoke her mind and she knew what she wanted and she went for it. Unfortunately, her demands could be pretty ridiculous. And when it gets too much, my passive aggressive thoughts will launch an internal attack of insults that yes, the crazy woman is indeed bi-polar. She in my ‘normal’ eyes was a ‘little’ mad. While I am really a nutcase in my head, I don’t equate reality to my thoughts so much that I am to me was ultimately more superior. 

See, I can never get out of such things without retribution. I believe Allah always has His ways with me. My karma always comes back quickly. See where I am now, the next candidate for treatment at Hospital Bahagia. 

My thoughts so addled, one day I forgot to screw the fuel cap back in place and drove off. Only realizing the mistake when I took a turn and heard the clunking noise of something falling off. This was at 1.00 in the morning, bless the traffic was hardly there and deathberry was with me or I would be sitting by the roadside having a nervous breakdown of the thought of having an job appointment early the following morning while having a capless fuel tank. Moments like that would make me so introspective of my stupidity. So little is needed to cause a catastrophe. 

There are also lapses of thoughts. Little void of ‘whatever happened that time?’ Another night my phone vanished in the car because I was busy thinking that perhaps I have been laughed at by a group of adults with juvenile brains or perhaps it was me being paranoid which is even more pathetic because it was hardly a big deal to begin with but I thought about it too hard that I couldn’t remember where I stashed the phone. 

I am a walking disaster waiting to happen. 

My ex-boss who I learned is very concern for my decision suggested “Why don’t you take an unpaid leave for a couple of months?” We talked. One and half hour worth of probing questions, suggestions and disguised cajoling, I almost ate his words. In the end, I asked him for time as I need to sleep on it first. My resolve wavered. 

But soon enough a wake up call. 

Friday I was supposed to be on leave but suddenly an important person died in India and there was a 100% contingency required on our site. Reminding me, how awesomely brittle your plan can be while working here. Everything about you and your family takes the backseat to the greater plan of the business that feeds your family. F*ck man, I will do my obligations yeah, I’ll get things done but damn you for controlling me to submit to the fact that I am so tied up to your importance. 

Now, while the exhaustion was hardly assuaged, another wave of mess is coming soon. Too soon. Like I said to deathberry, instead of having a confident swagger of a battle hardened warrior returning to the front line, I am like an ex-convict thrown back to jail for another bout of rape and unwilling sodomy. “No more!”

Call me a yellow bellied pussy. I admit yes, I am a coward with my tail between my legs. I salute those who managed to go through this for another campaign. For me regardless of the extra benefits, works well under pressure does not mean works well under continuous pressure. Why would I go through a longer journey when the destination will still be the same? 

While money is a concern in my endless list of worries, it’s also about my presence in the life of people that matters to me. My mom needs to go for a scan on 15th. A serious concern on her kidneys again. Last time the result came out good. I hope the same this time but should we are not blessed for another favourable result I need to be there for her. Let it be an excuse to the lot of you, but that is a reason enough for me.