Resigned to fate

I kept thinking about it. But finally, I've done it. The craziest stunt I have ever pulled in my entire life. 

I tendered my resignation last Friday. 

I didn't update about it earlier because my boss asked me to think about it again during the weekend. 

2 years versus 2 days, I let myself think about it between looking at Jobstreet, emailing friends, chatting, twittering, watching Japanese Dorama and getting scolding from my mother for spending the whole day in the room like a nutcase that I am. 

So come Monday, I reported in and went through my day as always. Work that I have grown to despise so much inside. Silently calculating 2 months from 21st of August 2009. Which will be  the longest stretch of 2 months of my life. 

Then at 9.00pm, my boss finally messaged me. "So, you are really going to leave me, aren't you?"

Nani kore? I am watching too many Japanese serials now I am getting weird message from my boss too. 

"Leaving XXXX, we are still friends as long as you want to stay as my friend," I responded. I always leave the ball on the other side of the court for stuff like friendship. 

"I am crying inside that you are leaving."

Sonna... what am I suppose to say? "Would you rather keep a friend who is in pain by your side?" 

My boss has always been my boss from the beginning. When I joined in, I reported to him. He was there through the six months of hell. I cried to him in my frustration during the difficult  period of the migration. But once BAU, he had to leave for a different team within the same department. I myself changed through three different bosses but somehow, I settled back to him about a year after I was promoted, by that time he was promoted as well. For the span of 4 years plus, it is almost like I have always been reporting to him. From his view, as we are both Scorpios, we have so many things in common. My actions he would always understand because he would do the same thing, except this one. Me resigning, it was a huge body slam to him but I never meant to give him such grief, my anger and pain never came from him. I guess, he is there as a collateral damage. 

"You have to tell me how to do this, I don't know which form to use." He needed to process my resignation but since he was promoted 2 years ago, he hasn't had an external attrition that warrant him to process it, while I have gone through too many thanks to my thankless process. 

"Let's see. You need to complete the notification of resignation form, my leave card, the resignation letter, you need to sign, name and date it on the date you accepted it, and also terminate me on the Peoplesoft, 2 months from the date of the letter." I deftly told him the steps. It did not escape me how morbid it is as I walk-through the process on how to terminate myself. I wonder how many people go through this bizarre moment in their life when they resign.

"Want me to process it?" I offered. 

"No, I'll do it. So that the thought of you leaving will finally settle down in my head." he refused. "How do I terminate on Peoplesoft?" 

I explained "From 21st of August, plus 2 months. My last physical date will be 20th October, so termination date should be 21st October."

"What happen if you do it wrong?" 

"They will tell you the correct way then you have to do it again." 

"Do I need to do this tonight?" Funny that a reverse role happened on my termination on the system. 

"Yes, or 3 working days from the date you received the letter. Either way." 

":("

Thus, the conversation between me and my boss, spanning the messaging system then later on in person before reverting back on the messaging system.

Either he is playing around so I feel guilty and decided to retract my resignation, or he is genuinely sad...

Deep inside, I am swaying but the thought of doing this for another 2 months strengthened my resolve again.  

I also had a talk with my AVP.

His advice "Don't let your emotion dictate your decision."

So true, but I have gone completely bonkers here. He couldn't even understand the extent of it...